Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Are You....






Running From Fear?


Anxiety controls you.  Your life seems too busy to stop and smell the roses along the way; how sad.  It brings tears to my eyes to watch you run from thing to thing and never truly touch the essence of all you involve yourself with. I ask why?
   
“Illusion surrounds you like smoke and mirrors”, and you take no time to process and assimilate the life that touches you.  Do the moment and the beauty frighten you and are you fearful that if you stop you will be consumed be all that you see, touch, feel…..?

 
If so then you are missing the point of the journey.  Your constant planning, always moving, never stopping has already consumed you, and that becomes the defense to slowing, stopping, and being present in the moment.  You might ask yourself why? 

It takes silent courage to face this question; to ask yourself alone, and to seek the answers alone without the reassurance of an audience.  This self question can lead to the feeling of anxiety, isolation, and the sensation of not being able to breathe.  This is a frightening question but if you brave the anxiety it will produce you will learn a great deal about who you are.

This question won’t kill you although the resulting anxiety may fool you into thinking that it will.  It takes courage to with quiet strength face your inner fears, illusions, and misconceptions.  It seems easier to distract with frantic movement and constant activity than to sit quietly with your feelings.  You are drawn to the flame but you resist. 

You come close only to flee back into your activity; the contrived busyness of your life.  This chaff and dross weigh you down, but they have become familiar weights in your life, they are known, and the thought of shedding them produces anxiety.  Your anxiety interferes with your becoming free and you allow the safety of the known, anxiety, to dictate your response to freedom.  You are your own prison and you hold the key to your release.  Only you can put the key in the locked door and step free of the gilded iron bars of your cage. Are you ready to do this? 



     

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Excess





 
Are you addicted to excess?  Do you hang on to things, thoughts, feelings that are no longer needed or useful?  Has your living or working space become a monument to your grief or a shrine to your happiness?   Are you hanging on to relics of your past? If you will honestly weigh these questions, look at yourself and your life you can begin letting go of your attachment to excess.

A few years before Roger’s death we began de-cluttering our home.  This led to my learning to detach from not only objects but to my emotional attachment to these things.  As I let go of the emotion I had for an object it was easier to let the object go.  

After my stroke in 2011 I came home to my house that now held many things from my offices.  Jason, who is a minimalist, encouraged me to let go of many of these objects.  With the help of friends I sorted through the boxes and de-cluttered my home and my life once again.  I found new homes for a lot of what was boxed from my offices and some went to Good Will and other charitable organizations.  

 
I was learning the power of the words "just in case", "this brings back memories", and "someday I may need this".  These phrases caught me in a trap of nostalgia, weighted me down with emotion, and left me unable to move on unencumbered.  Years earlier we had de-cluttered our home, now as a result of my stroke I was doing the same with the things from my office.  All of these things held meaning for me, all had served a purpose in my life, and now because my life would change I knew it was time to let go again.

My stroke brought me closer to accepting my death; it taught me that attachment only encumbers me in my pursuit of life; and to live free I need to let go of holding onto...objects, feelings, people.  So I took deep breaths and released what I knew I would no longer need.

I look around my living space today and enjoy my artwork that hangs on my walls and is placed around the room.  More hangs and sits in other areas of my home and I trade it out with what is here with me.  I am not a minimalist but neither do I have excess.  What is here are objects that I use and artwork I enjoy.  I no longer purchase objects out of want, but only buy what I need and will use.  If I have no need for it then I do not purchase it.  It is a simple equation to live by.

I read an article about a "bestie row" a small neighborhood of 4 couples who constructed 4 small houses that allowed no room for clutter so that they could live, share, and enjoy a minimalist lifestyle. Maybe a bit extreme but certainly doable and encourages a lifestyle that will not support excess.


Roger and I had too much stuff.  After we de-cluttered, and after he died, I still was emotional attached and hung onto things.  My attachment to those pesky catch phrases listed above still haunted me.  When I came home from the hospital and rehab after my stroke I could see how these phrases and my attachments still kept me a prisoner to my wants.  During the first weeks of my homecoming I quickly let go of many things.  In the beginning I knew in my head that I was practicing letting go of my attachments, in time and with practice I realized that I was also letting go with my heart.  This was when I knew that my emotions no longer tied me to what I once was attached to; I touched freedom....

I am not and probably never will be entirely free of wanting, but I now recognize this condition and can begin by letting go in my head and with time this practice reaches my heart. When I experience this in my heart I am truly free.

        

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Energy Healing





A friend recently ask me about my thoughts on psychic surgery.  I may have seemed skeptical but I am not; I just feel it can become a panacea and disrespect those who truly practice this art.  My skepticism lies with the numbers of folks from our culture who co-opt this practice from cultures where this is truly a healing modality.  

When I first came to this city I sought out and met an elderly Afro American woman who lived in the south end, in a neighborhood that was long ago destroyed by urban renewal.  The yard around her house was filled with interesting objects that she ascribed powers to and believed in these powers.  On the surface she appeared a bit crazy but underneath I saw and was touched by that power. 



She didn’t use the term psychic surgery, that’s a white person's term, but she and others she knew would do this work in removing illnesses from people.  It was a practice that many Appalachian people engaged in; much like the old tent revivals where folks were healed, often by the apparent extraction of something dark and slimy from within them.  I have never witnessed an extraction but I have met others who have and who believe in the power of this healing; not curing but healing.

Back in the day I knew a woman who traveled to the Amazon and witnessed psychic surgery by practitioners there.  She gave an interview about this experience to the newspaper, which almost cost her job with the Red Cross, and her husband  who had political clout pulled in some favors to rescue her.  This was in the 1960’s and the newspaper article was about her practicing medicine by day and voodoo by night; long before I arrived in town, met her, or the old black woman.  I share this to build the foundation on which my thoughts on psychic surgery are built.

In my experience there are those who live and practice this healing ability as a part of their lives.  It is not a mental construct that everyone can learn, but it is through experience that this skill develops.  You find this ability in indigenous cultures, and it comes through the exposure to this healing art and in my thinking it is not a book learned art but it comes through experience and life style.  Many are healed by this but not everyone can practice it.
 
We, again in my opinion, as a society place our faith and belief in pieces of paper that allow us to string letters after our names; there is no power in letters or paper but there is power in experience.  The elderly black woman I met that winter’s day in South Town had power; no letters behind her name and no paper certificates on her walls, but there was real power in her.  The objects in her yard looked like junk to the causal passer-by, but it was the description of her yard that allowed me to find her, and for her those objects held power and that was important.  I was just this little white girl who knocked on her door, was allowed entrance into her home, and had the nerve and the audacity to think she would talk to me and answer my questions, and she did.

No newspaper interviews or trips to foreign countries, but some honest, heartfelt conversation with an old woman who had true power.  There were, and are, posers and pretenders, and then there are those that are the real deal.  This old woman was the real deal.  She performed miracles that only those she touched realized the miracle, and she took a moment out of her time to talk with this callow young woman who had the audacity to ask her questions. Perhaps that is a miracle in itself.

So, yes I believe in the power of “psychic surgery”, but I question the practice engaged in by all who hang out their shingles as practitioners.  It takes far more than words, letters behind a name, books and contemporary education to create a true healer; it takes life, humility, patience, and the quiet gentle practice of engaging in healing work. 

A young man who was a student in a class I took with Michael Harner, a shamanic healer and teacher,  asked when would he be able to perform miracles?  Michael replied “you practice, if patients return you keep on practicing, if they don’t return then you don’t practice”.  This was also the earnest young man that Michael, in an exasperated tone of voice, said “get yourself to a university young man and ask your questions there”. 

I am reminded of that callow young woman knocking at the door and sitting in the living room of the elderly Afro American woman asking impertinent questions and driven by my desire to need to know.  In looking back over the forty plus years since I sat there I realize the grace and wisdom of that woman’s answers; she shared enough to whet my curiosity, but not so much as to overwhelm me. 
  
The path to wisdom and to understanding miracles is a subtle and hidden path.  It must be discerned as we walk along and in this discernment we are lead to impeccability in our lives.  Whatever the healing practice you engage in believe in it, respect its gifts, practice with humility, and look for little miracles along the way.