The Heart And Soul Of Compassion

Compassion is defined as concern and care for others.  I have always felt that I know and have compassionate people in my life.  My parents were compassionate, my husband had great compassion, and my sons are very compassionate young men.  I am grateful.

Since my stroke I have found many compassionate people populating my life.  People who have care and concern for me, but who maintain their boundaries and do not try to rescue me.  I experience their love in their ability to give within the framework of their own boundaries.  This is a wonderful gift.

I was once told that if you have a major issue in life you will learn who your true friends are, and this is something we all should know.  I have learned who my friends truly are, and each and everyone of them are people who are comfortable with themselves and live and operate from their own boundaries. 

There are those who can, and do, express concern for me, but because they do not know themselves they cannot set boundaries and have fled from my life.  A couple months after coming home from the hospital one person told me that he feared I would be too needy, so rather than setting boundaries he quit contacting me.  Initially this hurt, but upon reflection I realized this was about him and not me.  Realizing this made it easier to let go of our relationship and move on.  He has fear for himself, and fear will not allow true compassion to be cultivated.

Compassion takes strength and requires knowing yourself, having boundaries that maintains who you are, and the courage to be honest with yourself and others about this.  Compassion is not for the weak of heart; it takes courage and self love, but in doing this we can practice true compassion for all others.

Compassion comes about through the unconditional love for self and is established by holding the boundaries that define self.  When I meet others who fear I will be too needy it is important to understand that they are telling me about them; this is their issue, not mine.  

When I operate from my compassionate heart no one becomes too needy because I know and maintain my boundaries.  Others are only as needy as I allow them to be.  When I remain centered in myself and relate to others from this place no one can become needy because I am not needy.  This is about my self perception, it is not about who others are, but is about how I perceive them.  

When I recall my interaction with people who have dropped out of my life since the stroke I realize how many good friends I do now have.  They are fully present and really there for me, and are maintained by their boundaries.  So this major issue in my life, my stroke, has allowed me to identify my true friends.  This is a gift; to know who my friends are, and to be able t count on them when I am in need.

Having needs does not make me needy.  But having needs will make others who are still undifferentiated in their identity, and who do not realize or understand their own boundaries, feel needy.  Their needs drive them to leave; it's not about my having needs, but it is about their own neediness.

The heart and soul of compassion comes from those who understand who they are; who have the strength to look inward at themselves; to stand unflinching in this reflection; and through this inner awareness they are completely present in each moment.  I now count my friends among these people.  This is a great gift.