Thich Nhat Hanh gave this, the shortest Dharma Talk, the other day: "I have arrived, I am home" means "I don't want to run anymore." You need that insight in order to be truly established in the here and now, and to embrace life with all its wonders.
Since life has grounded me I have the time to truly appreciate the wisdom in his words. As I can no longer physically run from me, and I no longer escape through my mind/thoughts I find I am present in the moment. Some of those moments are wonderful, others are frightening, while many are mundane.
I realize that the running for me was most often from the mundane. Life is filled with ordinary moments. My wondrous and frightening times are small compared to the mundane times. I feel many people fear their ordinariness and the need to be seen as special drives their running into life.
I have found when my life feels mundane I have tried to bring excitement into it. Now, being grounded as a result of my stroke, I experience what Thay means by his shortest Dharma talk. This has allowed me to live this experience in my body rather than just having the thought of practicing it in my head. So I sit with my feelings, special or mundane, and experience each as it is.
This was difficult practice at first; to accept that I am not special and that we each are special no more so or less so than each other. It is easy to pay lip service to this, but underneath I struggled with saying one thing but feeling another. A consistent practice helped my inner feelings begin to move closer to my outer expressions of who I am.
This practice grounds me in the eternal present and in each moment I am home; I no longer need to run as I embrace life as it is, because I am always home no matter where I am. Accepting that I am always home within me allows me to experience peace and contentment in each moment.
I believe this is the purpose and practice of this shortest darma talk; to experience peace and contentment in each moment of life, no matter where I am, who I am with, or what I am doing. If I will do this then I am always home.
So many people I encounter seem to be on an the eternal treadmill of life; their bodies are in constant motion, their minds are filled with thoughts, and they mark time in place. They are constantly in motion chasing a dream or their next experience. Their minds are occupied with collecting and hoarding thoughts and information, but they can't make progress in themselves because they are held in place by their metaphorical treadmill of life; constantly moving but getting no where.
I recognize this because I have spent time in that situation. Much of my early adult life was spent in the pursuit of knowledge and recognition. Looking back on those years I realize how empty my search left me, and how that drove my relentless searching. Like a hoarder I collected and hoarded knowledge, learning, degrees, and certifications. I believed this was how I could find wisdom; I just needed to amass more.
Then I met a teacher, perhaps a shaman, who set me on the true path to wisdom. (See blog post of 9/15/14, "The Teacher Appears When The Student Is Ready.") This was the turning point in my life's path; the place where I knowingly stopped and began to examine my life. This teacher shared with us, his class, life stories where people stepped beyond their own self aggrandizing, beyond their hoarding of knowledge, and accepted the wisdom of being present only in the moment.
The transition was difficult. I had some very fixed ideas about what and how life should be. Learning could only come though recognized institutions of higher education, teachers needed multiple degrees and letters behind their names, and over time and with diligent study and work I might become an expert in my field of study. Imagine my surprise in learning that none of my beliefs and requirements applied to wisdom. Wisdom came through learning from each and every experience in life, not just experiences associated with academia, or from teachers with multiple letters behind their names, but from life, my life, itself.
I found myself entering the nether region of self experience, self knowledge, self understanding, and most important self acceptance. It took years of work for this to assimilate into the core of my being. Wisdom, I was to learn, comes slowly and gradually into the student; it cannot be forced or rushed; it arrives in time if I remain patient. Wisdom is like the dawn that comes slowly out of an unknown ocean.
Through the years since that encounter with this teacher in New Orleans I have encountered many great and wonderful teachers. I believe that time in New Orleans prepared me for the gentle words and teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh. To realize that his shortest dharma talk may be his wisest words, "I have arrived, I am home". I no longer need to search; I no longer have to expend energy in seeking out whatever I am looking for because it is, and always has been, right here with me. I only have to open to the wisdom in each moment and all that I need is provided.
John, my teacher in New Orleans, suggested that in his class. He introduced me to the idea that the mundane in life is what is important. Thay's words and darama talks reinforce that simple but powerful awareness. I am always home with me no matter where I am. My life experiences have ranged from the sublime to the devastating, but as long as I stand in the center of my being I am always home, no matter what the illusions of life present to my outer world.
Realizing that I am always home has removed the burden of needing to prove to myself or others that I am worthy. My experiences in life are of great value to me, and I need only accept satisfaction in myself. I know when I am achieving what I can; when I accept my self worth; and when I realize that others can praise or disagree with me but only I can take in and internalize the worth of me. This is truly self-worth.
With this I have arrived, I am home, and I don't want or need to run anymore.
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