Life Living Itself

In my early thirties I discovered the writings of Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author, story teller, and Jungian analyst.  Through her work I found echos of my childhood and developed an even stronger belief in me.  Clarissa presented stories, myths, and archetypes that supported and validated my truths from childhood, adolescence, and my early adult years.  Her writing reinforced my belief that living without fear, guilt, or shame is a desired place to be.  

She teaches that human life is closely bound to all life forms and the interdependence between species is necessary to our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being.   The natural world is a great teacher and presents wonderful metaphors to humans.  Her books are full of stories, myths, and legends that she has collected from around the world.

Her works created in me both a desire and a pride in learning more of my family of origin.  As a teenager and a young adult I often dismissed and scoffed at the teachings and wisdom my elders shared.  It seemed trivial and not important to my well educated mind.  It took maturity to understand that those lessons held as much, and often more, wisdom than what I learned in the hollowed halls of academia.  

Sara was my great-grandmother.  She was a metis woman of mixed blood.  Her father was half Cherokee whose German father and Cherokee mother had come north to avoid the forced migration of the Cherokee to Oklahoma.  The Trail of Tears was an infamously forced relocation of the original people, now called Native Americans, from their homes in the southeastern part of the United States.  Sara's mother was part Sioux, a medicine woman skilled in the use of native plants in healing, and a midwife.  My grandmother, Eva, Sara's daughter, was the last child she as a midwife delivered.

Sara's parents carried European blood and they lived by the European name of Reed; were able to purchase farm land along the Mississippi river in western Illinois, and raised a family.  Surrounded by a culture that would not accept their heritage they learned to pass for white, but their lineage ran deep, and Sara, at her mother's hand, learned to practice the native way of healing and living in balance with nature.   

Discovering Clarissa's writings opened me to exploring and accepting my roots.  The secrecy that came with discovering my native ancestry and the lengths Sara's children went to hide this truth made knowing my lineage difficult.  The single most important thing that helped me know my paternal ancestry was Sara's stories.  She was 85 when I was born and she died shortly before my sixth birthday, but in those years with her she shared much with me of my ancestors  and her life experiences. Sara was a story keeper and a story teller and in doing so passed on her knowledge of her world to me.

From her stories and later from Clarissa's emphasis on myth, story, and legend I realized that Sara had left me with great awareness of where I came from.  My child memories were not distorted with prejudicial thought because my child's mind had absorbed her stories without encultureated ideas. 

Sara's stories were as clear and powerful as were the myths and legends in Clarissa's writings.  They took me beyond my immediate world and spoke to me through an archetypal language.  Sara's stories, and later Clarissa's, taught of the importance of learning where I came from and how this interacts with who I am now.  

Accepting who I am and where I come from gives me the knowledge of why I carry patterns of thinking and feeling encoded in my DNA.  From that knowledge comes the wisdom of how to honor my past without having to be trapped in it.  From this I can learn compassion of feeling and impeccability in thought which allows me to have conscious choice in my life.  Feelings often begin at an unconscious level that effects how I think, even when my mind does not grasp the origins of these thoughts.

Realizing that trace memories, feelings, and thoughts arise from the DNA that accompanied me from the moment of my conception encourages me to understand my ancestral patterns.  I believe these patterns are important to self understanding.  In some cultures indigenous people believe that humans are born with not only personal DNA, but also with strands of family, community, cultural, and universal DNA.  This molds and influences who we are and is then further formed by our life's experience.  Simply stated it is nature and nurture influences on our lives.

Clarissa's works coupled with knowing my ancestral history allowed me to move into a place of self acceptance, self forgiveness, and ultimately being able to change.  I had to accept my past, who and where I came from, how this unknowingly created unconscious feelings, how conscious choices them interacted with my body's memories from birth, and together how this created the palate of colors that made up my life.  Awareness, understanding, and acceptance of all of this allowed me to then make change in my life.  Stories, myths, and legends were important tools in learning to translate and then apply what I learned to me. I learned to blend, shade, and change the color palate of my life. 

The history of my ancestors coupled with the larger collective unconscious teaches me to see my life as a part of the totality of all.  I have personal, family, and community history and memories, but I also carry the collective memories of the universe encoded in my DNA.  In accepting this I understand that I am, as is everyone, a part of the collective unconscious.  It rises and falls with my thoughts, feelings, and actions.  By remembering and recalling this I remain mindful in life.  Mindfulness allows me to be humble as life lives itself and that this is a journey we all take at some time as we walk each other home.       

  

   

The Prophet

I discovered the book "The Prophet" by Kahil Gibran,my sophomore year in college.  Even at the grand old age of of nineteen I knew that this book contained the wisdom needed to live a full life.  As Almustafa, The Chosen, takes leave of the city of Orphalease his final words are, "A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind, and another woman shall bear me", I knew I was hooked.  For nearly fifty years I have reread this book as a source of guidance and wisdom through life.

And as Almitra, the seeress, words released The Prophet she asks him to speak to those who are gathered there of Love, and so his first discourse begins..... 

As a young woman in college this was perhaps the most important passage for me.  It was a passage that was often used at a candle passing when a house member would announce her pinning or engagement.  In subsequent years the entire book took on meaning in my life, but this was the first passage that The Prophet spoke to those gathered that day, and it spoke to my young  heart.

In my youth it meant to me the perfect romantic love I would hope for; in later years, as I matured, it became the archetype of unconditional love.  Through this love I could learn the secrets of my own heart and in knowing that I would become a fragment of life's heart.  This journey, as I have learned, is fraught with pain, but also brings incredible joy.

The Prophet spoke of Love, Marriage, Children, Joy & Sorrow, Reason & Passion, Teaching, Friendship, Beauty, Religion, and Death, to mention a few chapters.   All manner of living and life are addressed in this little book.  It was published in 1923.  My copy was the seventy-ninth printing in May, 1967; and many more printings have followed.

 

It gave me wisdom for marriage; "make not a bond of your love, fill each others cup but drink not from one cup".  Raising my children I remembered and often repeated, "Your children are not your children.  They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself...they come through you but not from you, and though they are with you yet they belong not to you"....

"Joy is your sorrow unmasked....The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."  Those words gave me strength and courage at times of sorrow and loss and allowed me to bear with grace the pain that opened me to recurring joy in my life.   Joy and sorrow reflect my capacity to accept life's teachings, and I find that both do exist simultaneously in my life.  In moments of my deepest sorrow joy exists, and in the joyful moments sorrow is quietly perceived. 

This book prepares me for each day of life.  Unknowing to my nineteen-year-old conscious mind it introduced me to the state of non-duality.  It assisted me in navigating the waters of young adulthood and to find safe havens when the journey grew to difficult.  Reading and recalling passages from this book gave me understanding, insights, and awareness into a view of life I had not been exposed to. 

And at the end of that day Almitra asks The Prophet to speak of death.  He said, "You would know the secret of death; how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?"  The Prophet tells his listeners/readers that only when we embrace the opposite of what we seek will we truly be free

The Prophet offered me archetypical roles that continue to guide and influence my life decisions today.  I find knowledge in many books, writings, and discourses, but The Prophet holds wisdom in every page.  Our minds want knowledge, but wisdom is food for the soul.  Wisdom allows us to truly dance free..... through the universe.

   

 

A Simple Mindful Practice For Meditation

Smile as you take a deep cleansing in breath, feel it flow into your belly, relax, focus on the moment between the in breath and the out breath, and slowly breathe out and let go.  A simple mindful practice that we can do many times a day.

People often ask me how to meditate and why do I meditate?  My meditation is as simple as this mindful practice.  Each in breath and out breath last a few seconds, but as I string them together I increase my practice a few more seconds.  Breathing in and out, as I always do, my mindfulness to my breath is the gateway to my meditation practice.  Sitting at home or in a public place my breath is always with me and my focus on it for a moment can remind me to relax and let go.

Meditation is a practice of releasing; letting go of my thoughts and witnessing me from the point of the observer.  This simple practice of focus on the moment between my in breath and my out breath is a millisecond of meditation. That place between breaths is my point of entering meditation.  With time and practice that millisecond grows.

I began my meditation practice by counting my breaths.  I would think "I am breathing in one I am breathing out one, I am breathing in two I am breathing out two" and so on.  When I lost the count I had entered meditation.  When I realized that I was no longer counting my breaths I had lost my meditation.  So I would begin again, and again, and again.... 

My breath becomes a sound that helps my meditation deepen.  My in breath is the sound of "so", my out breath becomes "hum".  The sound of "so-hum" resonates with each breath and becomes a cadence that allows me to release my thoughts and be present in the moment; no past or future - only now.

Much more than any other animal, we humans have evolved the ability to live in our own thoughts, detached from the demands of our immediate actions and experiences.  Many people report that they dislike sitting quietly without distraction.  Perhaps this is because it leads to rumination, brooding on unpleasant experiences, or it leads to anxiety and worry about the future. In either case these thoughts pull us out of being here now.

When I experience this happening I refocus on my breath, which brings me back to now.  I listen to the sound of my inhalation, "so", and to the sound of my exhalation, "hum", and I ride the wave of my breath back to now.  Any time I feel anxious or troubled I realize I am not here now.  My breath can bring me back to the moment.  

Being in the moment allows me to live closer to my meditation as a practice in my daily life.  This lets me be an objective observer to my life and allows life's situations to cause less reaction in me.  When I observe rather than react to my life I am in charge of me.  I find balance in the moment and am not subjected to thoughts that drive moods.  Stepping away from and observing my thoughts I become the creator of my reality.

What a beautiful place to be.....

   


        

Knowledge and Wisdom

Knowledge comes from the mind wisdom belongs to the spiritual heart.  My mind teaches me about duality and separation, my heart allows me to experience  integration.  This happens when I love myself unconditionally, which means learning how to love my thoughts without judgement.

Because my mind creates duality it is important that I accept all of my thoughts with love.  As Ram Dass encourages us to do, "love your thoughts to death".  I believe that until I love everything about me, including my errant thoughts, I do not love myself unconditionally, and then can not love others unconditionally.  Unconditional love really does begin with self.

It is interesting how thoughts take on judgement and social conditioning, but the spiritual heart moves beyond duality.

I feel my spiritual heart exists beyond right or wrong, and in its acceptance allows me to discern mindfulness in all things.  Learning to lead with this heart, rather than with my head, helps me move away from my right and wrong thinking and into a place of understanding.  I understand even if I don't condone others thoughts or actions.  

Understanding why others behave in ways that I don't agree with becomes my practice of accepting what I cannot change without my being responsible for others actions.  Acceptance does not mean condoning, it only means I allow others their beliefs as long as they respect my boundaries and beliefs.  In doing this I can defend myself without taking others behavior personally, and without falling into rage. 

I believe that rage exhibits a sense of powerlessness and that then drives anger turning it into rage.  Watching people or groups who display rage it seems they are driven by strong reactions against that which they feel they can't control and by what they do not understand.  In these situations people do not listen to understand; they listen to respond and to react which often leads to rage. 

When I confront this in another person or group I must remember to approach them from my spiritual heart.  In this way I give each space for their beliefs but I do not tolerate their behavior if it infringes into my space.  I respect their space and expect the same of them.  Heart wisdom teaches me the importance of listening to understand rather than to react. 

Knowledge teaches right and wrong; wisdom grants me acceptance, even of that with which I don't agree.  It allows me to walk the path of tolerance which helps me not to be deceived but also keeps me from my own righteousness.  When I walk in balance between these things I find I am more discerning of others actions and more able to make good choices for me.  Knowing and knowledge are important but wisdom is impeccable.  

  

       

Walking Each Other Home

Perhaps, as Ram Dass says, we are really just walking each other home.  As I write this I recall when our son was four and he and a friend were playing in the yard.  It was dusk and his friend was to go home which was five houses up the street.  She was afraid to walk in the semi darkness so Tad walked her home, but then he decided he did not want to walk back by himself.  So he and his friend made two or three trips between the houses until he came in and ask me to walk with them.  Sometimes we all need a little help walking home.

Giving our support to each other as we walk our paths can help us keep on keepin on. There have been many times that I would have given up but someone encouraged and supported me on in my journey.  There are times when the journey seems too long and the night too dark to continue on.  

At age four my son realized that five houses away at dusk seemed like an impossibly long journey to take alone so he ask me to walk with him.  There are times in life when we need others support but can not ask for it.  It may be easier to admit to fear at age four than at age forty; ego often stops the adult from asking for help and he/she may struggle on alone rather than lose face.   

Recently a homeless alcoholic would not go into recovery until another person stopped and ask if she could walk the distance with him to the rehab center. She did and he made it to a place where he has the opportunity of addressing his addiction.  I am guessing that he was afraid to go into rehab despite the dangers of being homeless, alone, and on the street.  The risk of being vulnerable to asking for help sometimes seems greater that the risks of not asking.  

The journey may seem lonely until another offers a hand to help us along.  This is how we walk each other home.  Taking the time to pause, look, listen, and hear others will impact our journeys as well as theirs.  A helping hand works both ways.

Walking each other home we can really get to know the other.  We begin to to find the commonality in our lives.  If we exchange our life stories rather than our opinions we learn that we each in our own way are dealing with two basic emotions, love and fear.  Fear contracts while love expands us.

Fear for me manifests in ways that creates separation between me and others; love erases the barriers of fear.  Fear often hides behind anger, prejudice, hate, and other negative feelings.  These negative feelings appear powerful on the surface but are masks for a greater feeling of being afraid of the unknown and the misunderstood.  As I really get to know the other, especially if this means confronting my fears and prejudices, I find there are commonalities with the other, and knowing this helps me collapse the barriers my fear creates. 

I believe that fear is a part of our being encultureated to not trust our differences and diversity.  Yet it is this diversity that creates the beauty that I find in life.  To me the world would be void of color if not for the differences between all things.  Sameness and safety are boring and do not challenge me to grow and mature, check and rethink my opinions, learn from my encounters, and understand my uncertainties as I walk along 

The danger of this exists to those who are not sure of themselves, their beliefs, and what they say are their truths.  When we doubt ourselves and the encultureated teachings of society it is hard to trust what we have been told. This can lead to clinging to these thoughts and beliefs that do not tolerate  questioning.  This, I believe, interferes with acceptance of and trust in each other. 

Questioning promotes tolerance.  Tolerance teaches me to accept differences rather that settling for sameness.  Diversity adds color to my life and creates a rich panorama of sound, color, and feeling alive.

Meeting The Shadow Self

I read a post by a blogger entitled "The Walk", about the author's experience with a homeless man.  It reminded me of my working with the inner images and fears that I often feel when I encounter the disenfranchised in my life. At times I avoid really looking into these people's faces.  Perhaps because I fear that they represent a shadow of me?

I believe we each carry a fear of our own loss and disenfranchisement.  It often lurks just below our conscious awareness.  In "The Walk" this author took the time and had the courage to confront her own fears.  In doing so she found the similarities in their lives.  He was not alien to her life and her experiences.  He is after all, as are all people, human.

Confronting human pain often brings up my up own fears of unresolved feelings in my life.  I realize that all of this exists within me.  The more I attempt to avoid that realization the more I withdrawn from others pain in an attempt to shield myself from this.  I don't want to take a walk with whomever and whatever triggers this fear inside me.  I am afraid to address this shadow side in me.

It takes courage to sit down with what frightens me and invite that fear into a conversation.  Looking directly into the face of another and accurately seeing what is reflected there becomes a mirror to my true self.  Can I hold the gaze or will I deflect it and look away?

That is the question, isn't it?  It takes great courage to sit with my own shadows, fears, prejudices, and judgements.  It is not what I fear from others that drives my resistance, it is what I fear within me that keeps me avoiding their gaze.  Whatever I confront on the outside is a reflection of what is alive in my shadow self.  Looking into the face of the homeless, the disenfranchised, the angry, the hurt reminds me that I too hold this within me.  Understanding and accepting this allows me to release my fears which keep me locked away from my own humanity and unable to stand at the center of my humanness.  

Fear always shuts me down while love and acceptance opens me up.  That realization moves me beyond being afraid and into seeing and accepting the humanity in all.  The author of "The Walk" did not turn away from her fears, stayed her course and touched this man's life, no matter the circumstances he now finds himself in.  I believe she held the gaze of whatever this man reflected in her and in doing so not only faced her own fears but also re-reminded him of his humanity.

It seems so much easier to hide from this gaze in life, but by avoiding this truth my fear increases and surrounds me.  Looking into the gaze of pain and suffering the totality of humanity becomes real.  Suffering is not faceless....

     

When I realize and accept this I am not only able to look into the outer faces that reflect fear but into the inner ones as well.  When I do this I realize that they are mirrors of each other and my sitting and having a conversation with my fears release their hold on me.  It is another step toward personal freedom. 

Hari Om, to all of my friends......
  

Women Drummers

"As women recall and re-remember their birthright as drummers the world begins to change."
PSG

Drums create a powerful cadence that underlies the rhythm of all life.  Listening for and being able to discern that beat sustains and propels us forward into our lives.  Drums are one of the most ancient instruments and in the hands of women it spurs us into our quest to uncover our ancient roots.  The drum teaches and allows women the experiential magic to celebrate the Universe in Her Feminine Form, and to participate in an ancient religion that is free from grandiosity, violence, and is in harmony with our natural rhythms of being.   

  
Drumming spirals us inward and we touch our inner mysteries. Perhaps patriarchy is just a blip on the screen of human history.  Women are in charge of our bodies and spirits in a natural state that flows inward to our mysteries and outward into life .  Drums and drumming can restore women to our rightful place of reclaiming our consciousness and living centered in ourselves. 

The drum beat is central to life; through a heartbeat, the pulsing vibration of life around us, and the rhythm and vibration of the Earth herself.  The drum beat intertwines with our daily lives.  Listen to the pulse of life on a busy street, hear it in the rhythm and intrinsic beat of nature, watch a child relax as she/he is held next to your heart, and feel you own heart beat blending into the rhythm of life.  The drum reminds and teaches us this. 

  
Drumming calls us home to ourselves where we can rejoice in our creative beauty.  The drum beat carries us outward allowing us to reclaim the majesty of our feminine mystery in the world.  In doing this we take courage in our birthright as the original drummers of the world.  This birthright leads us forward to claiming the natural rhythm of life in establishing ourselves as agents of change that is needed at this time in history.

Relax, rejoice, and celebrate this birthright we are born to and with.  Reclaiming ourselves as true women in this world leads to the restoration of balance between the many advances we enjoy to learning to live in harmony with our nature.  It is through this we learn to walk in beauty and balance upon our Mother Earth.


Mitakuye Oyasin