The Red Bench Of Waiting

It is often difficult to wait.  As I wait for the arrival of a friend my thoughts flow to other times and places that I have had to wait.

Like the above picture waiting can feel like the red bench in a black and white photo.  I sit quietly attempting to harness my impatience, but underneath I sit on the red bench of anticipation. 

In the waiting there is much I can do; my thoughts run in many directions, from worry, to letting go, to so many things.  Since my stroke life for me has been about waiting; whether it be for a friend, an appointment, results, or life.  I use to take life head on; setting goals, planning my days and my actions during those days, and at some level mistakenly feeling in control.

The biggest lesson I have learned post stroke is that I am not, and never have been, in control.  That is an illusion of ego.  My mind and ego may believe that I am in control, but the truth is I am not.  Perhaps the greatest lesson of waiting is patience.  With patience I am reminded that the only way to be in control is to surrender; and in that surrender I find that I do have control over my destiny; one moment at a time.

My friend's lateness led to this post.  Posting about waiting helped me understand that the red bench of anticipation helps me look at and explore my options in the moment.  Exploring my thoughts and feelings about waiting and anticipation allowed me to forget my friend being late and when she arrived I had become so absorbed in this post that I no longer thought she was late.

My stroke happened; I can either work with is or against it.  I have learned when I work against something I increase the resistance of whatever "it" is.  When I work with "it" the resistance evaporates.  Whether dealing with waiting for a friend or accepting and working with my post stroke symptoms the results of surrender are amazing.  Surrender is not giving up, rather it is learning to go with the flow of the energy in any situation.

In surrender I learn discernment that helps me to be impeccable in my actions.  When I do this I no longer question my choices but act from the certainty of being centered in me. It is a freeing and empowering feeling; to chose me and to know that this choice is centered in me; not self centered me, but in the me that is centered in myself.  That is a huge difference.

It is the lesson of balance.  When I stand in that place I make choices that are life enhancing.  I chose myself, not over others, but with all others in mind, and the awareness of the good of all.  Whether it is waiting on a friend or a life changing experience like my stroke it is the discernment of balance that creates impeccable actions.

Point and Period!!