The Edge Of Perception

I was taught that we honor seven generations past so that we can bestow honor and respect to seven generations forward.  This means to me that I must in each moment act with mindfulness and respect, and that will bestow honor to both past and future as I live mindfully in the now. It is so easy to become a prisoner of the past, and re-live and react to perceived past hurts and wrongs.  I honor my ancestors and teachers but I remain mindful to not become trapped in feelings that are not generated in the now.

To do this I must look at all of my blind spots into self.  Until I have done this I remain ignorant to how others feel and what I might do to really be of assistance to them. This ignorance is often fueled by good intentions, and it has been said that good intentions pave the road to hell.  Looking into my own self I realize how I use my inner blind spots to project outward thoughts and feelings I do not want to accept as my own.  Love, compassion, and strength do really begin at home within myself.  Until I see, accept, and understand my own blind spots all my efforts to be of service to others are really only self serving.

My good intentions are then driven (oft times unknowingly) by the desire to protect myself from my shadow.  I project the shadow outward and then attempt to save others from this, my own, projection.  As long as I am attempting to avoid my shadow it drives my perceptions of others and I cannot be of service to myself or to others.  

Separation will not allow me to connect to my ancestors past, or forward to future generations.  Living fully present in each moment allows past and future to culminate in the present, and this allows me to live mindfully in the moment with honor and respect to past and future generations, without being trapped in regrets or worry.

This is living on the edge of perception; living at a point of knowing, the point of gnosis, of being on the edge of awareness.  It is the middle way where I conquer myself by realizing and accepting my own truth thus changing my perception of reality, power, life, and death.  Converting me or others to a different belief system does not move me closer to freedom; it merely substitutes one system for another.

When I make my self blind spots visible to me I begin the walk to freedom through self-understanding and self-acceptance.  Exchanging one set of dogma for another does not bring freedom, it only brings more suffering.  Freedom means self understanding; seeing self blind spots, addressing them as they truly are, and moving on.

I cannot do this for another nor they for me.  The best anyone can do is through the example of how we live our lives.  When I look into my blind spots, take off my blinders, and understand my own truth I touch my ability to then help others to victory over themselves.  I can only teach what I have learned; not what my mind thinks of as learning, but what I experience inside my being. 

To be self deluded to my blind spots only creates more confusion in life.  If my attempts to help others are guided only by my desire to make things better I must ask myself, who am I really doing this for?  To be of assistance to others I will accept things as they are and not as I think they should be.  Until I address and know my shadow-self accepting others as they are is impossible to do. 

Coming to know myself, especially my shadow-self, has taken time.  Being able to stop, look, and listen is where I began.  Being grounded by my stroke has exacerbated my doing this.  I learned long ago to still my thoughts through meditation.  My stroke confined me to a wheelchair and I have had the opportunity to bring stillness of mind and body together.

Interestingly I soon learned after my stroke that when my body was forced into the wheelchair my mind became more active.  As the first winter after my stroke arrived I found that my mind created pictures, thoughts, and feelings as my body sat quietly by the fireplace.  My mind took up the activity that had once belonged to my body.  What had been a meditation practice became daydreams into flights of fantasy. 

As I realized what was happening I adopted the role of an objective observer.  I watched my thoughts with an isn't that interesting attitude, and then allowed these thoughts to go where they wanted.  I did not chastise my thoughts or attempt to control their trajectory; I simply allowed them to be.  I accepted them as they were; just like I must accept others as they are.  I realized that my meditation practice is the blueprint for living my life.  Sitting by the fire that first winter after my stroke I understood how these two things intersected. 

The more I allow my thoughts and feelings to be just what they are the more I come into the awareness of my life's purpose.  Knowing this allows me to be connected to the moment, and to move beyond getting trapped in past regrets or future worries.  My shadow-self is just that, a shadow.  It is a reflection of my inner self and by accepting and understanding this part of my being I step into unconditional self love.  This is the foothold into unconditional love of all others. As my perception of reality, power, life, and death changes this allows me to be present now for myself for and all others.