Self Realization Growing Up In A Small Town

Main Street

Growing up in a small river town there was no discernible skyline.  The tallest building was six stories high.  I lived on a street that was a gradual hill; I lived at the middle of this street, equal distance to the top and to the bottom.  At the top this street ended at the high school I attended.  At the bottom it ended in another street that if I turned right led to the park.  The park sat atop a bluff that overlooked the river, and offered a spectacular view...

High School

River View

It was a good place to grow up.  The high school offered an excellent education and the river was my companion through good times and bad, and some how living between them offered me a safe passage into adulthood...  Not an easy passage, but a safe one.  The journey into becoming an adult is often dotted with difficulties, but when you realize you are safe it is much easier.  At the top of the hill was a symbol for the excellent education I was provided, at the bottom was my faithful and constant friend, and in the middle was the home and family that assured my safe passage.  

It was in the culture of this small town that my basic beliefs and ideas took root. From these grounded roots I grew.  I have read that as parents there are two gifts we give our children, roots to grow, and wings to fly.  Growing up secure helped this process along.

There were struggles.  I grew up in a Christian Fundamentalist family and realized by the time I was twelve that what their church taught was not consistent with what I thought was correct.  We were not allowed to dance but roller skating was allowed and the youth group sponsored many trips to a near-by town's skating rink.  When I ask why the adult chaperones explained that dancing happened in darkened places but not roller skating.  I pointed out that we often had "moonlight skates" when we paired off as couples...no one responded to my observation.   

Many of my observations and questions were not directly addressed; the usual response was I needed to pray about it.  One Sunday in Sunday school I posed the question that if Adam and Eve were the first people on earth then were we all the products of original incest, which I thought might be original sin.  The class erupted with comments and questions as they echoed and re-ask my question.  The teacher stood and walked to the wall where the light switch was, we were in a basement room with no windows, he flipped the switch to off and stood quietly until our voices became silent in this room.  When there was no more questions or comments he flipped the switch back on and resumed class as if nothing had happened. 

Childhood Church

As an adult I realized that these responses to questions were an indication that my parents' belief system was not one that I could adopt.  This teacher's reply was to plunge our class into darkness until we became compliant with what he thought. I continued to question and make waves through adolescents and the church elders responded by frequently praying for me but never adequately addressing or answering my questions. From this I learned to become a critical thinker and to always question authority.  My parents didn't approve of these questions or my thinking but they never attempted to change my thoughts.  They provided me with a sense of security in being true to myself.  Their religious beliefs provided me fertile ground in which to sprout my seeds of thought that grew into my beliefs.  This added to the excellent education I received trough my high school.

The fall I left for college effectively ended my time with organized religions of any type.  My years in a fundamentalist environment taught me what beliefs I did not want in my life, and ultimately how Roger and I would raise our children. We encouraged our sons to question, think for themselves, and to ultimately learn how to form their own thoughts and opinions.  

River City

A city along the Mississippi River was an interesting place to grow up.  It once boasted that it had as many churches as bars, but I always thought this an outrageous boast.  By my count the number of bars far out numbered the churches.  I did come to understand that this boast was an attempt for the church community, especially the fundamentalist community, to defend against what it perceived as the "darkness" of these bars, like the darkness of dancing. It always amazed me that when the Sunday school teacher of my youth was questioned about what he was teaching he plunged the classroom into darkness until his class ceased their questions.  Ah, "darkness" is an interesting concept and metaphor when applied to beliefs.  Perhaps it was the darkened room that propelled me forward in my search for truth.  By plunging his class into darkness helped me seek the light of truth, and for this I am grateful.

As I have matured into adulthood I realize that all of these experiences were for my edification and growth through life.  My home sitting half between the river and the high school became a symbol for the balance of the natural world and formal education.  I learned valuable lessons from both.  These lessons allowed me to understand that a balance between books and intuition needs to be achieved as I move through life, and to walk the razor's edge between knowledge and wisdom.  I was most fortunate to have been constantly the object of the church's prayers, to have experiences with darkness which allowed me to find the light in truth, to discern my way through the teachings that were presented as truth while being plunged into darkness, and to escape this environment unscathed and intact.

My growing up in this small town under the watchful eye of my family, the community, along with the intrusion of their religious system, helped me learn to set boundaries in my journey to finding me, and that has lead to self realization; a most welcome outcome in life.