You once told me that it would be okay to talk to you if I felt down; today I do. Don't know why - could be my pain level which is bothering me, or perhaps it's Sunday, which has always been a hard day for me, or it might be that at times the hopelessness of my life becomes more real. Whatever, it is a rough day and I feel despair.
I try not to burden others with this, but sometimes it spills out, like it is today, and colors everything I touch. In these moments I fall into an abyss and I cannot see a way out. It's dark and overpowering in here, and I cannot find my way back toward the light. Somewhere inside me I know the light does exist but right now I do not feel or believe this.
So I let myself be swallowed up by this deep, dark, seemingly unending space. Time does not exist here, neither does place or space, only the suffocating despair. The only feeling I have is a deep sadness that is inconsolable. My tears are plentiful as I bump round in the darkness. I can't stop them; I only can cry them until I am exhausted. They have the need and the right to be experienced and heard. To feel and express them opens a place where I begin to pull away from the despair. A light appears in this darkness; color reveals itself; and hope for redemption suddenly materializes in this dark place.
The downward spiral of my inner journey suddenly reverses itself and the pinpoint of light draws me up toward it. The despair and tears begin to resolve themselves; like they need room and permission to be heard, and once that happens their need to be acknowledged is satisfied. I hear, accept, and then let go of these feelings. Light is suddenly visible as I move out of this dark abyss and back toward my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment